"My Existence"

My heart is bruised and on Fire
I’m broken and tired, confused about my current state
Lost in some ways,
Some days are just days
Passing me by, I’m slowly passing away

They tell me “Why do you complain?”
Just deal with it, it’s not that bad
But they don’t understand
What it takes to be me,
They don’t know my pain
The long suffering and loneliness
Truthfully - I’m afraid

I have no one to turn to
No voice to respond to
No arms to run to
No shoulders for my tears to cry on
Where do I fit in? Where is my help? Where do I belong?

I’ve prayed until my pillows became soaked with agony
I’ve asked my father for help, to comfort me
I’m going through the darkness but not without a fight
But is there no escape?
Only do they want me, is when I’m healthy
Or when I’m pretty, when I have money

This isn’t about a man, this is about time.
This isn’t about love, this is about acceptance.
This isn’t about a harvest, this is about forgiveness

This is about the truth, this is about my existence

ANTI-LOVE

I know why you fear the silence. I know why you take the long road home. Why you suffer when others are laughing. The pressure’s surmounted – ready to explode but you feel like you’ve already burned to ashes. You have nothing to give, nothing to lose.

You’re crawling your way out, for something no man, no woman can give you - _ _ _ _ _
And you’ve been doing this for years.

But soon things will change and you won’t be the same. I promise you, you’ll fly one day – AWAY from here forever. I promise you, I’ll be right there with you. We’ll be untouchable, together.

I may not be your soul mate but I’ll be your hero. We’ll run the FINISH LINE…and I’ll carry your torch. You don’t have to love me. You don’t have to call me. You don’t have to lie to me. You just have to TRUST ME.

My dreams are YOURS. Your GOALs are mine. However, my wings are on lease. And the engine is running. You don’t have to be PERFECT. I accept you the way you are.
You can sing your SILLY SONGS and I’ll run behind you. You can cry yourself to sleep and I’ll come find you. I’ll kiss you on the cheek and pack your lunch with cookies. I won’t even ask for much. Only that you take me WITH YOU.

I’ll be your ANTI LOVE.

Spring Summer !!

Its that time again, time to clean out all the old cluttering mess, recycle unwanted clothing and shoes, and sell and donate things to the goodwill :).

For Spring I see yellows, navy stripes, and wedged sandals...

For Summer, much of the same with whites and pales blues. More to come :o)

Eve's Night

Winding down, coming from my mother's house. She is the sweetness that my soul is attached to - totally unselfish and graceful.

I hope you spend time with loved ones this season, that is truly the most important element - more than anything material.

From my first unpublished novel "Altairis"

Beginning...


When you’d left, the trees shifted their path and the leaves began to gather. The streams froze over, the grass withered, like my heart which is now beating a slow pulse -- frigid and isolated from time.

Memories of you pierce my thoughts, like a sharp double edged sword, pricking me like a row of thorny rose bushes…how long would I have to endure the pain?

I take in a deep slow breath of the autumn’s air, breezing through the forest with the coldness under my feet. The welled up tears in my eyes are too heavy to fall, my face is solid and tortured. I am beginning to envy the dead, because they at least, are able to sleep.

This is what life is like without you.

The day is winding down. The sky is going from a warm burnt orange fire to a soft grayish purple hue. However my face, my eyes, my mouth are still stone cold. My lips are a pale bluish tint and my eyes onyx. There is clearly a contradiction here. I look down to catch a single petal drifting along…but my icy fingers have destroyed its delicateness. My piercing stare striking away at the creatures in the valley, they are fearful in their approach.

I can see… I am lethal to what’s around me and dangerous to the unprotected. I am utterly alone – because in this condition I am harmful, poisonous.

This is what I’ve become.

Christmas

Did you get everything you wanted to get for Christmas? Yes, I am saying Merry Christmas because its what it is. And also any other Holidays you may celebrate, just say them. Forget Happy Holidays.

All I really want is for my family to be happy and healthy. And whatever God has saved for me. I'm thankful for being able to pay my bills, have a job, a car, and breathe. Apart from that there's still one thing I'm praying for.

The book is coming along, I have written about 13 chapters. There's a lot of moving parts and I have been stalling. But it was a lifetime personal goal I had made for years now. I just never thought it would be coming into fruition. I'll post an excerpt on Christmas.

The makeup is still there, the passion still lives but I need inspiration to move forward. I'm have been a little uninspired from being in this environment. But I know it will pick up again soon.

Happy Belated Thanksgiving and Movin On!

I hope everyone had their share of turkey and now its time back to work. I have some shoots booked and am ready for more...

Some concepts I have in mind require the right team.. I'm looking for some new models please contact me if you're interested. Please send a photo to oubonmakeup@gmail.com

I'm located in Syracuse so that's 5 hours away from NYC.